


wandering in the fog

by heliosincarnate



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Drowning, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15224177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heliosincarnate/pseuds/heliosincarnate
Summary: when Felix is nine, his lungs fill with water and his chest seizes with fear so tightly that all he can do is curl up and hope the pain will fade and he can just... drift away. when he's twelve and giving his first science fair presentation, his chest feels so tight that he can't breathe, just like when he was drowning. and it happens again the next presentation, and the next week at dinner, and at homecoming and prom and until it becomes so regular that he begins to ignore it.or where felix has anxiety attacks so bad he can't breathe and he finds 7 brothers and 1... something who help keep him above the water





	wandering in the fog

**Author's Note:**

> hello! welcome to my first ao3 skz fic. this fic is not betad, so all mistakes are my own. i wrote this in the spur of the moment as i was having an anxiety attack, and it slowly collected dust in my drive until i decided to finish it and post it. this will have another chapter soon with felix being regular age. disclaimer: i am using felix here more or less to describe how i feel during my attacks, and this in no way represents what felix or the rest of skz's mental states are like (i hope).

   When Felix was nine, he almost drowned in the local pool just blocks away from his house. Summers in the hellhole that is Australia were no joke, and everybody and their mothers seemed to live at the pool for two months straight. Little nine year old Felix, however, tan chubby cheeks in all, was stuck in the house for the third week in a row. “ _ Why aren’t you at the pool? _ ”, his friends whined over the phone on the day the thermometer hit 47.3 degrees in Sydney. Lying in a  heap on his bedroom carpet that only pure boredom could create, Felix gave back a vague answer and hung up, letting the phone drop from his hand to lie lifelessly on the floor. The truth was, he would have given anything to be free from the fiery clutches of his stuffy bedroom where he had been cooped up. However, all of his requests had been turned down with a disinterested  _ mhmm _ or a  _ sure honey, in a bit _ before his frazzled parents turned back to their desks. 

   Felix  _ knew _ his parents were busy with their “important work”, but wasn’t he important too? Pouting, he kicked his feet at the ceiling, letting the childish anger simmer inside of him as he remembered other times like this in the past. Like the time he had wanted to go get ice cream from the truck that was driving down his street, but his dad couldn’t look up from the computer fast enough to give him a dollar and Felix was left to listen forlornly to the music growing steadily softer from his bedroom window. Or the time his mom had left him in a movie theatre while she rushed to an emergency meeting, then proceeded to forget about him for the rest of the day. Walking home alone was the scariest thing he had ever done, but it wasn’t  _ impossible _ , as he had heard his mother shout at his worried father later that night. Wait- he could walk to the pool!

   Thinking through the details of his brilliant plan, Felix suddenly pulled a 180 mood switch and shot up off his floor. He zoomed down the stairs towards the office, grabbing his towel and shorts on his warpath. Skidding into the room, Felix let out a breathless jumble of  _ canigotothepoolpleaseitsreallyhot _ . Mr. and Mrs. Lee must have been drowned in work, because neither could manage to give his request enough thought before they waved him out with a  _ sure, whatever _ . Meanwhile, for Felix, it was like the skies had opened up and God himself had shone down to grant his life’s wish. He didn’t wait a second longer, rushing out the door with a speed Olympians would be jealous of. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, or however the saying goes.

   The walk to the pool was surprisingly easy for Felix’s little legs, and he made it there justs as the hands on his Adventure Time watch struck 12. Spotting his friends, he beelined towards their chairs and dropped his stuff, eager to cool off. He bounded into the pool, sighing in relief as the water came up to his neck. All those years of swim lessons had paid off, and he was more comfortable in the water than he was on land. After this, time passed in a blur as he splashed around and sprayed his friends through the questionably chewed up pool noodles floating around. 

   But, sadly his friends had to leave eventually, pulled away by their parents one by one, leaving little Felix to splash around absentmindedly. He was bored to  _ death _ , he thought, and he needed something to do. ASAP. As he kicked at the pool noodles weakly, his gaze strayed over to the deep end of the pool.  _ Don’t ever go over there without me or your dad in the pool with you, okay Felix? _ his mother had said sternly last time they were at the pool. He wavered, still uncomfortable with the thought of disobeying the sacred word of his parents. But she had said that  _ two years ago _ , the voice in the back of his mind supplied. Back during… the last time they had come to the pool… At this thought, Felix felt the anger from before bubble to the surface of his mind again. What did she know? He was a strong swimmer; he could make it in the deep end!

   Emboldened by the voice egging him on in his mind, he began to trek out to the forbidden side of the pool.  _ Stroke, stroke, breathe,  _ his instructor’s voice chanted in his mind. The pool was so empty, why was the pool so empty? A vice like tightness suddenly gripped Felix’s chest, fear coursing through his veins. Where was his mom? On the next breath, he distractedly turned his head and took in a lungful of water. His instructor’s chanting mantra inside of his head stopped like a record scratch while alarms blared in his head. Why couldn’t he breathe? He started to cough violently and began thrashing around, desperate for some air. What had his instructor said to do if he was stuck? He couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t he breathe?  _ Why wasn’t anybody helping him? _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


   Felix came to, hacking and coughing violently, as strong hands pressed into his chest. He rolled to the side, still shaking with the full force of the tremors wracking his body. “Are you alright, bud? Can you breathe?” a steady voice asked. He nodded weakly, turning to look at his savior. The broad shouldered lifeguard sat back with a relieved look on his face, pulling out a bottle of water and holding it out to the nine year old still lying on the ground. Instantly, Felix’s hand shot out, bringing the bottle to his lips as he winced from sitting up so quickly. “Yeah, your ribs are gonna hurt for a few days, I needed to press pretty hard to get the water out of your lungs”, the man mused. “Where are your parents? How should I call them?”

   At this, the gears in Felix’s mind shook off their rust and started to turn again.  _ Parents? Where were they? Why-  _ Oh. Right. Felix shoved the bottle back at Nice Lifeguard Man before wobbling to his feet. “Woah there buddy, slow down. You shouldn’t overexert yourself too soon,” the man soothed. Felix refused to listen though, already stumbling towards the exit. “Sorry!” he rasps out as he makes his escape, only thinking of how he was going to apologize to his mother and never leave her side ever again. She’d be worried, his mind hazily thought, but at least this meant she’d pay  _ some _ attention to him. 

Turns out he had nothing to look forward to, as the only response his manic, fear filled story received was a dismissive response and a request that he put on dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> “That’s nice sweetie, but please don’t bother me or daddy while we’re working. While you’re up and being disruptive, why don’t you go put dinner on? And get out of those dripping clothes, you’re ruining the carpets.”
> 
> please comment suggestions or questions!


End file.
